Death Song
by sorrowful.dreams
Summary: A Death Note parody.. What if there was not a Death Note but a Death Song. What if Misa was the main character? And there was not shinigami but guardians? And Near was considered #2 and Mello #1? And L was a genius at video games? Its DN-SWITCHED!
1. The Girl

I was at an airport when it hit me. What if Death Note was… ya'know, _switched?_ Oh yes, and some other stuff. But all of them… eh, whatever. You'll find out yourself.

**I DO NOT OWN THE DEATH NOTE CHARACTERS**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**The Girl**

* * *

Misa Amane wasn't doing anything special that day. Not really. Oh, maybe, for some people, it would sound out-of-the-ordinary. But, hey. They were a buncha bums who had nothing better to do then gawk at the rich and famous.

As I was saying, she was just coming home from a movie shoot. But something was different. There was a slight change in the atmosphere that sent the chills up Misa's spine.

It was mid-winter, so, naturally, it was cold out. Misa was wearing fur-lined boots with high-heels, some denim jeans, and a jacket made of the finest rabbit fur. (Fake, that is.)

Hey, she had to act the part, didn't she?

Finally, she was home. She smiled, and stomped her feet to get the blood flowing in them. She took out the house key hidden in a place nobody dared to look. Well, unless a man had a dirty mind.

She put the key in the lock and, to her concern, found that the key would not turn.

Misa jiggled the key in the lock but it wouldn't budge. She was just about to kick the door down with the shovel next to the door when the key moved in the lock. And, with a quiet creek, the door opened. (Nevermind the doorknob).

Misa's eyes widened. She took a tentative step inside, and, on a sudden impulse, she did not slam the door shut as she usually did. In fact, she took a few extra seconds to guide the door to its frame, so that it closed with a silent _click_.

When she took a few steps ahead she heard singing coming from the dining room. It was a haunting melody, made of no words in particular. Or, rather, it was made of carefully chosen words, but using some kind of gibberish at the same time.

Misa, after a few seconds of very concentrated listening, made out a few "words".

_Iemsg O-nag hooteah pleatecmf JOHANA PREN poshi afpioi foridos qyhaldishe porfavorite DEATH lsofnd rill popopoff SONG…_

And then she heard the music. _It sounds like a flute. _Misa mused. It was playing a whole different son, it seemed, though the flute-thing and the singing went along perfectly. The sound was high and bubbly like a clear, spring day.

Misa, leaning against the doorway, (which was one of those swingy doorways with no handle) fell forward into the dining room.

When she looked up, she saw a child, no older the 9, with her short black hair and solemn blue eyes. She was wearing black cargo pants and a black cloak that covered her plain black shirt.

"So. You came."

* * *

A/N: And that is where the chapter ends.

I hope anybody who read this liked it. I know I loved writing this…… well…. Anyway…..

I hope you will continue reading my Death Note parody/fanfiction/whatever else you want to call this.

I'd love some reviews, and I'll only put out the next chapter if I get a review.

And I know it sounds stupid, but my writing isn't very popular.  I wish it was. Well, don't most writers wish that?

And on that happy note, Sayonara readers!


	2. The Song

In the beginning, it's just a little reminder of what happened in the last chapter.

**I DONT OWN ANY OF THE DEATH NOTE CHARACTERS. SO FAR, THE ONLY CHARACTER I OWN IS REZMU.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**The Song**

* * *

"So. You came."

Misa backed away a bit. _This girl… she has a strange aura… and air... I don't think I should be here…_Misa thought. She scrambled back towards the door, crab-style, not taking her eyes off the girl.

"Where are you going?" The girl asked.

In an instant, Misa stood up straight. "N-nowhere." Misa stammered in reply.

"Are you… afraid?" the girl asked curiously.

"No." Misa said, and gained her composure. It was silly. She was just a lost child. _Do you really believe that, Misa? _A voice inside her head said.

But Misa took no notice.

* * *

"So… ah… Who are you?" Misa asked. She was sitting across from the girl, staring. Misa didn't think that it was strange that the girl was in the house. She didn't ask herself how she got in.

"Me?" the girl asked, pointing to herself. Misa nodded encouragingly.

"Oh. I am Rezmu, guardian of the 2nd class. And I've come here to teach you the song."

* * *

"Ah… so let me get this straight. _You,_" Misa said, pointing to Rezmu, "Are a guardian… a creature of life and death and of the elements air and song. You are fighting against the shinigami, who are just creatures of death who kill to live on."

Rezmu nodded, so Misa continued.

"And together you maintain a balance.

"But sometimes the forces get too strong, so you set out a champion. And the shinigami are currently more powerful, so now the guardians have appointed a champion to regain the balance…. Me."

"That's about right." Rezmu said.

"And how do I… ah… _maintain _this balance?"

"Well, you kill."

"WHAT?? But-but how?"

"By singing, of course."

* * *

"This is ridiculous. Why should I be some stupid champion? I don't even want to be a champion! And how do I kill the shinigami anyway?!"

"The shinigami? Well, you sing 'em dead. It is, in fact, what the song is made for. If you want to kill humans, well then, get your own death note."

"Death… Note?"

"That's what the shinigami use. While we sing, they write."

"Ah."

"Oh-yes. I almost forgot… do you want to guardian ears?"

"Guardian ears?"

"Well, the only way to sing a shinigami dead is to halve your life-span. Then you can hear the names of the shinigami around you. Oh, and you have to know their luck-chance too. Then you include that in a song and _bam_ they die."

"That's…. great."

"I know, isn't it?"

Misa groaned inwardly. This could take a while.

* * *

A/N: I'm so happy I got two reviews for the first chapter.  I know it isn't a lot but…

Anyway, if you're looking for a REALLY GOOD Death Note fanfic go to Forgotten.Thirteen's page… She is a VERY good writer and I'd be surprised if you don't like her stories, especially 'What Boys Do' and 'Mello in Wonderland'.

Oh, and please rate…. :) The future of the story depends on it.


	3. The Ears

* * *

Yay I'm so happy so many people reviewed last chapter! Well, it's not a lot, but…

Whatever.

L will appear in this story, but for different reasons then the manga.:)

**I DONT OWN ANY OF THE DEATH NOTE CHARACTERS. SO FAR, THE ONLY CHARACTER I OWN IS REZMU.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**The Ears**

* * *

"Uh… Rezmu?"

"Hnn?" Rezmu replied, though she was only half-listening. Mostly she was absorbed in reading The Lightning Thief, which was written by Rick Riordan. (A/N-I just happen to be reading Battle of the Labyrinth. J )

"I forgot to ask… what does 'luck-chance' mean?"

Rezmu sighed and dog-eared the page she was currently reading. "In the Shinigami Realms, they are very bored. So, they play dice games. 'Luck chance' is how many times out of 100 would they win."

"Ah… And that is relevant in killing…. How?"

Rezmu groaned. _She is so _stupid._ Why was I chosen in being the hero's guardian again?_

**Flashback**

_"And now, during these desprate times, we need a guardian who would be willing enough to be the hero's guardian who is brave enough-" The Chief began._

_"I will!" Rezmu cried out and jumped up, hopping up and down like a madman. (Technically speaking, that is.)_

_The Chief, looking around for any more volunteers, sighed and nodded, motioning for Rezmu to climb up on the stage. "Come and learn the rules, Rezmu."_

**End Flashback**

Rezmu coughed, turning slightly pink at the memory. "As I said, it is relevant, because it _is._ There is no particular reason. Sure, you can sing without their luck-chance, like most do, but then the shinigami has a chance of escaping death. Not as efficient.

"Any _more _questions?" Rezmu asked in an annoyed tone that made Misa hold back another question she was about to ask.

Rezmu smiled, revealing sharp canine teeth. Then she went back to her reading, ignoring the horrified Misa, hiding in a corner.

_She's a vampire…. Oooooohhh…. I'm __dead__, __**dead, **__**DEAD! **_Misa thought in horror.

* * *

That night she lay in bed, looking up. She couldn't see the ceiling, for her four-poster bed had silk sheets that looked like draperies hung between the posts of the bed.

_Should I accept her offer?_ Misa sighed. She had regained her courage and all that remained of the memory was the smile. That sharp, toothy smile.

* * *

The next morning she woke up to find Rezmu sitting on top of her.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Misa screamed girlishly. She screamed so loud that her neighbors poked their heads out their windows, searching for the cause.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I'm here to see if you will take up my offer."

"Of-offer?"

"The ears! The ears!" Rezmu exclaimed.

"Oooooohhhhhh…. Right. The ears…." Misa smiled weakly.

"So?"

"So what?"

"AGh!!" Rezmu began hitting her head with a wooden plank that had appeared out of nowhere. "What is with these _humans_?!"

"Well, sor-_ry_." Misa said and pouted.

Rezmu turned away, discusted.

"Oh, yea. What was the price for the ears again?"

"Half your lifespan."

"Yay," Misa said sarcastically in a flat, monotone voice. "What fun."

"And guess what's the best part of it is?" Rezmu asked, grinning her toothy smile. She moved her head closer so it was barely 3 inches away from Misa's face. So close she could smell her breath, which smelled like the sea

"What?" Misa asked, feeling scared all of a sudden. She inched back a little.

"I get to _**DRINK IT ALL**__!_" Rezmu yelled.

Misa screamed again. Then she ran.

* * *

It was funny, Misa thought. In a way.

In most horror movies, stuff like that happened at night. But this, _this _happened during the day. And it made it no less scary.

So Misa ran on.

* * *

Rezmu sighed. "What a stupid little human." Then she jumped out of the 6th-story window, did three flips in the air, (she had and eye for flair) and landed neatly, much to the surprised people walking by. "Forgeeeeeeeeeeeetttt." She whispered into the soft breeze that was floating in the air.

Nobody recalled seeing that girl.

* * *

She stopped for a second, before walking over to a park. It was quiet, and Misa lay down on her back, looking up at the clear blue sky.

_THUD_

Misa screamed in pain, but the scream was muffled by a hand that had gone over her mouth.

Something had fallen from the sky, and had landed right on top of her.

She clentched her fists till they turned white, and she bit her lip so hard that it drew blood. On top of that, she was is pain. Hellish, hellish pain.

Then the weight was gone, though she breathed no easier.

The figure looked indifferently down at her. Misa gritted her teeth. Rezmu.

"H-How did you get here?" Misa asked, weezing.

"The subway can take you a _loooong _way."

Misa smacked her head in frustration.

Bad move. That only caused her more pain.

And then Rezmu came up, tapped her on the shoulder, and said a few illegible words.

And the everything was black.

* * *

Rezmu grinned in satisfaction. _Not bad, not bad. _She thought, congratulating herself.

_And now, to start this whole morning over…._

* * *

Misa woke up and immediately looked at her clock. It was 11! She had slept in.

When Misa attempted to get up, she bit back a groan. Her stomach hurt.

Bad.

When she went into the kitchen, she saw Rezmu sitting at the counter.

"R-Rezmu…."

"Yea?"

"I-I feel… Like somebody heavy landed on me. It-hurts.." Misa said and limped over to a stool, one hand on her stomach.

"Eerie."

* * *

"Rezmu? I've decided."

"Decided what?"

"To make the ear trade."

"Awesooommmeee." Rezmu said. Inside, she thought _To think pain makes humans see clearer…. I'll have to remember that…._

"And… and after that… can you teach me the Song?"

"Ok." Rezmu said. Inside, though, she rejoiced.

Rezmu beckoned for Misa to come over to her and kneel down.

Misa, still limping a bit, (Which annoyed Rezmu extremely. _Look, I'm not _that _heavy_) walked over and kneeled before Rezmu.

Rezmu grinned and produced a sword from behind her back.

Misa started to shake. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"I'm knighting you. _Duh._" Rezmu said, still grinning.

"But I thought that you were giving me the ears."

"I am. By knighting you."

"But… why?" Misa asked, eyeing the sword.

"Cuz it's cool."

"….."

"Are you serious?"

"Are you ready?"

Misa sighed and, closing her eyes, gave in.

Rezmu tapped each shoulder with the sword. No, _tapped_ is an understatement. _Banged_ is more like it. Misa winced with each 'tap' and wished that it would be over.

"Rise, human. Hero of the guardians." Rezmu said in a commanding tone of one way beyond her years.

Misa rose, and, for the first time since that morning, she felt great. Powerful. Strong.

And then she knew that she truly, with all her heart, wanted to be the hero of the guardians.

* * *

A/N: :)))

I loe writing this story. I especially like writing about Rezmu. :))

You might have noticed a scene similar from a book, though I'm not telling what book it came from. All I'm saying is that the book is very funny along with its acommodators.

:)


	4. The Teaching

I am REALLY pissed right now cuz all my work on chapter 2 in 'love mistake' went down the drain…. AGGGGG this sucks SO MUCH I'd almost finished with the freaking chapter!

(if you have no idea what I am talking about, go to fictionpress and type in the username poisonous.substance)

Remember this is a complete AU.

L is in this chapter! :)

**I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS BESIDES REZMU, UNIK, AND ORILOPINIDO**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**The Teaching**

* * *

_"Rise, human. Hero of the guardians." Rezmu said in a commanding tone of one way beyond her years._

_Misa rose, and, for the first time since that morning, she felt great. Powerful. Strong._

_And then she knew that she truly, with all her heart, wanted to be the hero of the guardians._

Misa groaned. That was _then._ But now… she **really **regretted taking on the role of the hero of the guardians.

Well, ok. It wasn't too bad. She liked to sing, and she had a pretty good memory 'for a human', as Rezmu stated, which had dampened her spirit a little bit.

It was the ears. Ooohhh, the stupid, stupid ears.

An hour after the knighting, she started hearing things. Very loud, very annoying.

"I win 10/100. _Hyuk hyuk _I don't really care much about dice games anyway. I'm Ryuk and I LOOOOOOOVE human world apples... Their so JUICY!! Oh, look at him go… _Hyuk hyuk_. Humans are fun."

"I am Unik which sounds like Unique, and I am a very serious shinigami. My luck chance? Well, lets just say I have the best luck in the world…. 1/100. I am _so _awesome. Ohohoho…. Look! A butterfly! Oh, I'm naming you Little Flower! And now I'm killing you with the Death Note! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!"

"I love killing humans, and I am the most famous shinigami, (besides the King) for I have the longest lifespan ever. Whatever I do, I do it well. For example, my luck chance? 80/100. And my name is Orilopinido, which is a name as complex and confusing as the rest of the shinigami I know."

She could go on and on about what she heard, but as soon as she complained to Rezmu, she began her lessons.

"No! Not Imsge, _Iemsg!_"

"It's _hooteah pleatecmf_. It's not hooter platecream. Comon, you are better then this. I even heard you pronounce every single word at the gathering place with the bunch of lights!"

"Do you mean you saw the movie shoot?"

"If that's what it's called, then yes."

"You were _spying _on me?"

_Thwack_

Rezmu hit Misa with something she randomly picked up, which happened to be a chair.

"Oops…." Rezmu muttered as she watched Misa collapse into a bloody mess. Rezmu glanced at the body and then looked over to her book. Body, book. Body, book.

Rezmu walked over and picked up the book. "Eh, she'll live."

* * *

That every scene was happening at the Wammy House, though the subjects to the terrible beating were quite different.

"Near! Stop molesting Matt!"

_Thwack_

_Thwack_

Roger hit the cute but dangerous sheep on this head with his lethal cane.

Near grinned up at Roger with those pearly-white teeth of his.

Rodger shivered but didn't move, but wacked him again. "Put on a shirt!" He shouted.

Of course, at that time, Matt decided to wake up. "_Yawn…_Hey, Near…. Wait-NEAR!!"

Matt jumped out of bed, screaming, only to find he wasn't wearing any pants. He blushed and Roger's face turned purple. Matt ripped off the covers of his bed and wrapped it around his body. "NNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!" Roger shouted, waking up the whole floor, unfortunately.

All of the kids flocked around Near and Matt's room, while Roger tried to calm everyone down. Matt was, unsuccessfully, trying to put on some clothes. Nobody noticed a small, white-haired kid sneak outside the room and steal a fan from somebody else's room. Then he crept back in (unnoticed), dragging the fan. How he did that, nobody knows, but then he plugged in the fan and slid it between Matt's legs and clicked the 'on' button.

The front part of the covers lifted up to Matt's waist.

"Eeekk!!" all the girls shouted, and closed their eyes. Roger's nose started to bleed, along with all the other younger boys. The older boys just looked away, disgusted.

"It's so _small._" One of the younger boys whispered, and erupted into giggles.

"What?" Matt asked. And then, feeling a bit of a _draft _from below, he looked down.

And screamed.

* * *

"So… Near. Why did you do that?" A black-haired man asked, while playing the newest PS3 game to come out, _Resistance_. His eyes, effected from all the video games he played, had thick black bags permanently etched into his skin. His black eyes so dark they looked like two wormholes, where completely focused on the screen, his thumbs racing over the controls; _Clickclickclickclick_

Matt was starting to get very pissed off at that monotonous _Click_ing noise, and the indifferent voice belonging to the man. "Come on, just punish him already, damn it!" he yelled.

"I just wanted to have a little fun, L." Near whined peevishly, both of them ignoring Matt. Sometimes his friend could _really _get on his nerves.

"Oh. I can understand that," L said. "Hey, wanna help me beat this part? It's kinda annoying playing in two-player mode. But fun. It's hard to control two players at once."

"Sure!" Near grinned, and sat beside L, who handed him the other controller. In a matter of seconds, Near was completely absorbed in the game.

Matt stormed off, too pissed for words.

* * *

Matt was playing with his new _Bionicle _action figures when Mello walked in.

"Why are you playing with dolls?"

"Shut the hell up! Their ACTION FIGURES!" Matt burst out. He glared at Mello, whose blue eyes gazed innocently down at Matt. His green goggles, which he always wore, where resting on his forehead.

Matt reached up and snatched off the goggles from Mello's forehead.

"Hey-" Mello cried and tried to grab his goggles. Matt turned around and put them on. Though he didn't put them over his eyes.

When he turned around he saw that Mello was sniffling, and when Mello looked at Matt his eyes were glistening. His soft blonde hair that curled inwardly at the end made his look helpless and small. "Those do-_sniff_-look good on you…" Mello whispered. Then he burst into fits of crying.

"What now?" Matt sneered.

"Those were the last gift from my mom…" he whispered.

"Heh… then I'll be taking this," Matt said, pointing at the goggles.

"NOOO!!" Mello cried and grabbed onto Matt's legs. Matt kept of walking, though it was difficult. For a little crybaby, he was strong.

"Give them back! Give them back!" Mello sobbed, and held onto Matt's legs harder, causing him to topple over.

"MMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" Roger yelled.

Matt shivered and shot off like a rocket. Mello, not having foreseen such a sudden escape, wasn't able to stop him.

"Hahahahaha! Catch me if you can!" He taunted as Roger ran after him. Matt stuck out his tongue. Rodger was surprised to find that Matt was wearing Mello's goggles. He faltered for a second, and then took off faster. He assumed, (correctly) that Matt had stolen them from Mello.

Matt shot around a corner, and as soon as Roger turned the corner too, a water balloon was thrown at him. Roger stopped and cursed, while Matt's laughs slowly faded as he got farther and farther away.

* * *

A/N: I'm happy now that I got out chapter 4. :))

The next chapter I'm working on is Part 2 in my Arthur Story. :)

I don't have to explain why this chapter is called 'The teaching', do I? Well, it only stands for the part in the beginning. But did you notice how I am beginning every chapter with 'The'?

Lallalallalalalalala

I hope this chapter was good enough for you to review it. (And seriously, how do you rate a story anyway?)


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